January 2013
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Per Kelly Marcel, screenwriter of 50 Shades of Grey, “It will be rated NC-17. It will be raunchy.”
yeah, no shit. stories that include men yanking out chicks tampons before fucking them for eight hours are usually rated nc-17.
source: http://www.vulture.com/2013/01/fifty-shades-screenwriter-itll-be-nc-17.html
September 2012
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well this should come as a suprise to no one...
the world’s worst author writes to the world’s worst music.
http://perezhilton.com/2012-09-08-fifty-shades-of-grey-author-el-james-sex-scenes-music-black-eyed-peas-sexy/?more=yes#more-268129
also, this is conceptually one of my favorite snl sketches:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/our-time-with-taboo-and-apldeap/1404933
August 2012
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July 2012
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what does this remind you of?
If you said 50 SHADES OF GREY, I’m impressed, because it sure as shit doesn’t look like that to me. Marc New York is channeling 50SOG for their fall campaign- their first picture is seen above. Please, mistake me if I’m wrong here, but I don’t remember this scene from the book, as it clearly looks like they are in some sort of a underground bunker.
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if you aren't following me on twitter...
you are seriously missing out because the 50 SHADES OF GREY fans have found me and they are NOT. LIKIN’. IT.
@50shadesofsuck
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gets it real good
thanks sean
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More 50 Shades Merch
Here are a few other pieces of 50 Shades Merchandise that I hope goes into production ASAP.
Tampons - Remember that time that Christian yanks out Anastasia’s bloody tampon so he can fuck her for the zillion time? Oh, you were trying to repress that horrible moment? Well now you and your significant other can re-enact it.
Cookware - Anastasia may not like to eat, but boy can she cook!...
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50 Shades of Suck: The Merchandise Edition
Hi All,
Don’t know if you’ve heard, but in a brilliant ploy to make more money than anyone in the world, E.L. James and her marketing team have decided to create products based on her best-selling series. According to the LA Times blog, “The merchandise will include apparel, stationery items, hosiery, lingerie and accessories. Expect to see “Christian Grey” boxers and ties as...
June 2012
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WatchPresenting Mia’s finest moments from 50 SHADES OF GREY.
@50shadesofsuck
follow me!
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Logan Marshall-Green and Lena Dunham in "Fifty... →
let’s be honest, i’m going to the midnight screening even if they cast two pieces of dog shit, but i think this could be interesting…
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spoke too soon →
guess angelina isn’t directing. i think tom ford should direct it, i really do. he brought sexy back.
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Angelina Jolie to possibly direct 50 Shades Film... →
well well well. i had heard rumors about this because i am a very powerful and connected person in the entertainment industry*, but now its gone so far as to become actual speculation on deadline.
i didn’t see angelina’s directorial debut “the land of blood and honey”, but that sounds gross and sexual, so i bet she will be very comfortable with another gross and sexual...
May 2012
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duh →
vulture- new york magazine’s culture blog, compiled a list of the horrible 50 shades of grey synonyms. i can’t even make it through the article without getting PTSD.
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Watchthese old broads GET IT.
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just watch this... →
charlize theron gets it HARD. it’s funny to hear kristen stewart reading it since it’s based on her (sorta).
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gilbert gottfried reads 50 shades of grey →
thanks Sean
twitter me
@50shadesofsuck
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a possible christian?
you know, Joan’s rapey husband on Mad Men? my roommate suggested it, i think it’s a good idea.
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my inner goddess is sad
guys- i finished blogging the books!
so listen, i’ll keep updating this periodically with 50 SHADES related articles and thoughts, but it will not be as frequent. so this isn’t goodbye, more of a see you later.
i’d love to do another book- maybe the next one EL James writes? if you have any suggestions let me know.
follow me on twitter as i will be doing twitter things like...
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“Mia is on her feet before Christian can protest. His jaw tenses, I know he’s not...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 101.
needs that were not sated from the twelve times we fucked earlier today. needs that i didn’t even realize existed until two months ago.
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“So you work at SIP?” asks a balding gentleman in a half-bear—or is it a...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 97.
well which one is it? a bear or a dog? this is literally the most stupid thing…
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“A young woman appears out of the throng and throws her arms around his neck, and...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 96.
mia pictured below:
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“Masks on,” Christian grins, and as he dons his simple black mask, my prince...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 95.
christian pictured below:
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“Oh! I really must stop expressing every emotion I feel the instant I feel it, I...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 94.
yes please, you’d be doing us all a huge favor.
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“And there’s Leila—with a gun, potentially, somewhere—and her crap taste in music...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 90.
ok there are two glaring problems with the above passage:
1. anastasia feels that mrs. robinson, the old bitch christian used to bone, is a bigger threat than leila, his ex-sub, WHO HAS A GUN.
2. anastasia throws out that leila has crap taste in music after she...
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“I can be very persuasive,” he murmurs, hooking my hair behind my ear.
“Franco’s...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 88.
#nohomo
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“You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?”
I flush. Why’s he going on...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 88.
damn! jose? that boy from the hardware store? you’re a regular megan fox!
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“He’s like several different people in one body. Isn’t that a symptom of...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 82.
add it to the to do list.
to do list:
fuck christian 18 more times today
google symptoms of schizophrenia
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“Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham, and—Yes!—peas from the...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 79.
that’s the most excited anyone has ever been about peas.
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“Anastasia, do you have any idea how much money I make?”
I flush, of course not....”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 78.
oh yeah? well i earn roughly four dollars and twenty eight cents an hour so go fuck yourself. BEFORE TAXES.
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“She managed to obtain a concealed weapons permit yesterday.”
Oh shit. I gaze at...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 71.
no shit.
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“People bustle past us, lost in their Saturday morning chores. No doubt...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 69.
probably not.
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“It is a lovely, mild morning. The sun is shining, and the air smells of coffee...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 64.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVovQfq7U0w
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“My blood sings in my veins. Will he always have this effect on me? And I on him?”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 63.
not after you see him take dump or when he sees you give birth.
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“He sighs in defeat. “She made a haphazard attempt to open a vein.”
“Oh no!”...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 59.
yep, that’s usually what “open a vein” means.
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“But my hips start to move involuntarily, gyrating to their own rhythm, caught up...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 55.
my first album is going to be called COOL VANILLA SPELL.
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“And just as I am getting used to the sensation, he sits up again and trails a...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 55.
this is just ridiculous. like, who would want to do this? ice cream is so good.
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“Taking another spoonful, he offers me more. This time I keep my mouth shut and...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 54.
i’m upset that they are wasting all this ice cream. like, can’t they just eat the ice cream and then fuck?
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“Good. Where’s the ice cream?”
“In the oven.” I smile sweetly at him.
He cocks...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 52.
you suck christian.
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Perez Hilton Casts "50 Shades Of Grey" →
god, what i would pay to see Ellen Page and Trevor Donovan (both Perez choices) going at it on the big screen for two hours.
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dom4sub →
looks like things with anastasia didn’t work out and christian’s taken to craig’s list.
thanks audrey.
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Blood Play And Other Important Lessons: My...
So, last night I went to The Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood to attend their “50 Shades of Pleasure” workshop. I thought I would be able to stand in the back and giggle and live tweet throughout but I was wrong. The workshop was taught by Mary, a very cool and knowledgeable woman who told us right off the bat that she worked as a dominatrix for ten years, so I promptly put my phone...
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“He puts down his knife and saunters slowly over to me, his eyes burning. Leaning...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 46.
that sounds like the worst sentence in the world to me.