May 2012
104 posts
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duh →
vulture- new york magazine’s culture blog, compiled a list of the horrible 50 shades of grey synonyms. i can’t even make it through the article without getting PTSD.
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Watchthese old broads GET IT.
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Watchin my fantasies nick kroll plays christian grey.
thanks jayne.
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just watch this... →
charlize theron gets it HARD. it’s funny to hear kristen stewart reading it since it’s based on her (sorta).
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gilbert gottfried reads 50 shades of grey →
thanks Sean
twitter me
@50shadesofsuck
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a possible christian?
you know, Joan’s rapey husband on Mad Men? my roommate suggested it, i think it’s a good idea.
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my inner goddess is sad
guys- i finished blogging the books!
so listen, i’ll keep updating this periodically with 50 SHADES related articles and thoughts, but it will not be as frequent. so this isn’t goodbye, more of a see you later.
i’d love to do another book- maybe the next one EL James writes? if you have any suggestions let me know.
follow me on twitter as i will be doing twitter things like...
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“Mia is on her feet before Christian can protest. His jaw tenses, I know he’s not...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 101.
needs that were not sated from the twelve times we fucked earlier today. needs that i didn’t even realize existed until two months ago.
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“So you work at SIP?” asks a balding gentleman in a half-bear—or is it a...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 97.
well which one is it? a bear or a dog? this is literally the most stupid thing…
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“A young woman appears out of the throng and throws her arms around his neck, and...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 96.
mia pictured below:
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“Masks on,” Christian grins, and as he dons his simple black mask, my prince...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 95.
christian pictured below:
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“Oh! I really must stop expressing every emotion I feel the instant I feel it, I...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 94.
yes please, you’d be doing us all a huge favor.
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“And there’s Leila—with a gun, potentially, somewhere—and her crap taste in music...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 90.
ok there are two glaring problems with the above passage:
1. anastasia feels that mrs. robinson, the old bitch christian used to bone, is a bigger threat than leila, his ex-sub, WHO HAS A GUN.
2. anastasia throws out that leila has crap taste in music after she...
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“I can be very persuasive,” he murmurs, hooking my hair behind my ear.
“Franco’s...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 88.
#nohomo
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“You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?”
I flush. Why’s he going on...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 88.
damn! jose? that boy from the hardware store? you’re a regular megan fox!
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“He’s like several different people in one body. Isn’t that a symptom of...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 82.
add it to the to do list.
to do list:
fuck christian 18 more times today
google symptoms of schizophrenia
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“Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham, and—Yes!—peas from the...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 79.
that’s the most excited anyone has ever been about peas.
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“Anastasia, do you have any idea how much money I make?”
I flush, of course not....”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 78.
oh yeah? well i earn roughly four dollars and twenty eight cents an hour so go fuck yourself. BEFORE TAXES.
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“She managed to obtain a concealed weapons permit yesterday.”
Oh shit. I gaze at...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 71.
no shit.
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“People bustle past us, lost in their Saturday morning chores. No doubt...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 69.
probably not.
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“It is a lovely, mild morning. The sun is shining, and the air smells of coffee...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 64.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVovQfq7U0w
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“My blood sings in my veins. Will he always have this effect on me? And I on him?”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 63.
not after you see him take dump or when he sees you give birth.
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“He sighs in defeat. “She made a haphazard attempt to open a vein.”
“Oh no!”...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 59.
yep, that’s usually what “open a vein” means.
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“But my hips start to move involuntarily, gyrating to their own rhythm, caught up...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 55.
my first album is going to be called COOL VANILLA SPELL.
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“And just as I am getting used to the sensation, he sits up again and trails a...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 55.
this is just ridiculous. like, who would want to do this? ice cream is so good.
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“Taking another spoonful, he offers me more. This time I keep my mouth shut and...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 54.
i’m upset that they are wasting all this ice cream. like, can’t they just eat the ice cream and then fuck?
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“Good. Where’s the ice cream?”
“In the oven.” I smile sweetly at him.
He cocks...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 52.
you suck christian.
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Perez Hilton Casts "50 Shades Of Grey" →
god, what i would pay to see Ellen Page and Trevor Donovan (both Perez choices) going at it on the big screen for two hours.
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dom4sub →
looks like things with anastasia didn’t work out and christian’s taken to craig’s list.
thanks audrey.
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Blood Play And Other Important Lessons: My...
So, last night I went to The Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood to attend their “50 Shades of Pleasure” workshop. I thought I would be able to stand in the back and giggle and live tweet throughout but I was wrong. The workshop was taught by Mary, a very cool and knowledgeable woman who told us right off the bat that she worked as a dominatrix for ten years, so I promptly put my phone...
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“He puts down his knife and saunters slowly over to me, his eyes burning. Leaning...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 46.
that sounds like the worst sentence in the world to me.
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“I mutter breathlessly, trying to suppress my high school- cheerleader giggling....”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 41.
“Though I was never cheerleader?” i feel like a simple word spell check would have caught that.
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“He’s wearing his navy pinstriped jacket over jeans and an open white shirt. He...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 38.
#nohomo
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“The one good thing about being car-less is that on the bus on my way to work, I...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 32.
pretty sure you could do that in a car too.
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“Or is this an invitation? Will he answer my questions? Am I reading too much...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 29.
you’re reading too much into this.
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“The song ends and tears spring to my eyes. I quickly scroll to another —“The...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 28.
ugh don’t bother, it’s coldplay.
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50 shades of pleasure
hey guys,
tonight i’m going to be going to the 50 shades of pleasure workshop at the pleasure chest in weho. i will be live tweeting with it- follow me @50shadesofsuck. i will be standing by the industrial size lube.
-isabelle
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“I’ve wanted you since you fell into my office. You are exquisite, honest, warm,...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 25.
also retarded. like truly challenged.
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“Do you know who’s singing?” I try for some normal conversation.
Christian...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p. 22.
nice convo. i’m glad we all got to read about that.
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“Hanging on the far wall are seven huge portraits—of me. I stare blankly at them,...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p.15.
jose’s photographs below:
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“There’s an ethereal beauty to many of the landscapes. In one taken out near the...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p.14.
jose’s photograph below:
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“Hey are you okay? You look, well, odd. Dios mio, have you lost weight?”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p.13.
it’s jose, he’s MEXICAN.
jose pictured below:
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“For a moment, my troubles melt away as I grasp that José has realized his dream....”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p.12.
yeah he got a shitty gallery opening in a shitty little town for his shitty photography. Way to go, José!
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“I gasp and I want to shout, I’ve missed you—all of you—not just your mouth!”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p.11.
your penis. she’s talking about your penis.
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“A tall, blond, square-jawed man in a dark suit leaps out and, ducking low, runs...”
– Fifty Shades Darker, p.9.
and it’s dolph lundgren: