50 Shades of Suck

Month

if christian didn't seem gay already...

here is who is in contention for the part

Armie Hammer- the guy’s a good actor, i will give him that. but does he really rev anyone’s engine? let me rephrase that- does he really rev any lonely housewife’s engine?

Ian Somerhalder- to be fair, i don’t watch The Vampire Diaries, but i’ve heard legitimately good things. WITH THAT BEING SAID, look at this guy’s face. no.

MY PICK BELOW:

Batman- ‘nuff said.

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck #armiehamer #iansomerhalder #batman

“I want you sore, baby,” he murmurs, and he continues his sweet, leisurely torment, backward, forward.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 88.

i feel like i’m reading a script from Oz or Homicide: Life On The Street.

Apr 19, 20128 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“See how you taste,” he breathes against my ear. “Suck me, baby.” His thumb presses on my tongue, and my mouth closes round him, sucking wildly. I taste the saltiness on his thumb and the faint metallic tang of blood. Holy fuck. This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 88.

holy hell this is disgusting.

Apr 19, 201216 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“Pull your knees up,” he orders softly, and I’m quick to obey. “I’m going to fuck you now, Miss Steele,” he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex. “Hard,” he whispers, and he slams into me.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 85.

TAKE IT EASY ON THE GIRL! she’s a virgin for christ’s sake.

Apr 19, 201215 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free. Holy cow…” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 85.

uh, like two minutes ago you had never been kissed and now you’re a size queen?

Apr 19, 201229 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“His lips close around my other nipple and when he tugs, I nearly convulse.
“Let’s see if we can make you come like this,” he whispers, continuing his slow, sensual assault.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 84.

YOU CAN’T! THIS ISN’T A THING! WOMEN DON’T COME THIS WAY! men, if you’re reading, don’t do this, it won’t work.

Apr 19, 201286 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“Show me how you pleasure yourself.”
What? I frown.
“Don’t be coy, Ana, show me,” he whispers.
I shake my head.
“I don’t know what you mean.” My voice is hoarse. I hardly recognize it, laced with desire.
“How do you make yourself come? I want to see.”
I shake my head.
“I don’t,” I mumble.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 84.

yikers. she’s 21 everyone. and clearly homeschooled.

Apr 19, 201218 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“You’re a virgin?” he breathes. I nod, flushing again. He closes his eyes and looks to be counting to ten. When he opens them again, he’s angry, glaring at me.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” he growls.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 79.

christian pictured below:

Apr 19, 201235 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“

“So, limits. These are mine.” He hands me another piece of paper.

Hard Limits
No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.
No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.
No acts involving children or animals.
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.
No acts involving breath control.
No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating
or direct), fire or flames to the body.

” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 78.

no fire play i get, but no acts involving children, animals, blood or defecation? what is this, a convent?

Apr 19, 201221 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“

“These are the rules. They may be subject to change. They form part of the contract, which you can also have. Read these rules and let’s discuss.”

RULES
Food:
The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.

” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 76.

no snacks except fruit? that’s a dealbreaker.

Apr 19, 201229 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“Why is anyone the way they are? That’s kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Do you like cheese?” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 75.

we got a regular aristotle on our hands here.

Apr 19, 2012837 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“Does this mean you’re going to make love to me tonight, Christian?” Holy shit. Did I just say that? His mouth drops open slightly, but he recovers quickly.
“No, Anastasia it doesn’t. Firstly, I don’t make love. I fuck… hard.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 70.

guys, this is my absolute most favorite quote in the entire book! it’s probably my favorite because it’s actually good. like, imagine someone saying that to you. CASE CLOSED. especially if that person was batman.

christian picked below:

Apr 19, 2012172 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“I’m going to have a glass of white wine, would you like to join me?”
“Yes, please,” I murmur.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 68.

#nohomo

Apr 19, 20121 note

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“He opens two double doors, and the white theme continues through the wide corridor and directly opposite where a palatial room opens up. It’s the main living area, double height. Huge is too small a word for it. The far wall is glass and leads on to a balcony that overlooks Seattle.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 67.

room pictured below:

Apr 19, 20121 note

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do, Christian.” And as I say the words, I don’t quite feel their conviction because at this moment in time I’d probably do anything for this man seated beside me.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 67.

this bitch has known him, legit, two days.

Apr 19, 201210 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“His look is so intense, half in shadow and half in the bright white light from the landing lights. Dark knight and white knight, it’s a fitting metaphor for Christian.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 67.

christian pictured below:

Apr 19, 201213 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“Kate always manages to ensnare men. She is irresistible, beautiful, sexy, funny, forward… all the things that I’m not.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 61.

jesus christ, we get it, you’re lezzy for her.

Apr 19, 20122 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“The car interior is filled with the sweetest, most magical music of two women singing. Oh wow… all my senses are in disarray, so this is doubly affecting. It sends delicious shivers up my spine….
“What are we listening to?”
“It’s the Flower Duet by Delibes, from the opera Lakmé. Do you like it?”
“Christian, it’s wonderful.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 58.

guys, this is how predictably BAD this book is- the minute el james described “the sweetest, most magical music of two women singing” i was like, i bet it’s that piece of shit song that’s in every airline and jewelery commercial since the beginning of advertising. sure enough:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qx2lMaMsl8

Apr 19, 201276 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“Christian opens the passenger door to the black Audi SUV, and I clamber in. It’s a beast of a car.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 58.

it’s really not. it’s an audi.

Apr 19, 201216 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck

“It’s only just not painful.” —

Fifty Shades of Grey, p. 56.

that’s not a sentence.

Apr 19, 2012822 notes

#50shadesofgrey #50shadesofsuck