Here are a few other pieces of 50 Shades Merchandise that I hope goes into production ASAP.
- Tampons - Remember that time that Christian yanks out Anastasia’s bloody tampon so he can fuck her for the zillion time? Oh, you were trying to repress that horrible moment? Well now you and your significant other can re-enact it.
- Cookware - Anastasia may not like to eat, but boy can she cook! Whether it be Spanish omelets or chicken stir fry, Anastasia slays it in the kitchen so let’s buy some pots and pans with a logo cheaply plastered on them. Appetite not included! (Get it? Because Anastasia doesn’t eat.)
- Enema- Listen, we all know Anastasia has the cleanest anus on the block (because remember that time when Christian put a butt plug up there and then Anastasia found out after that he usually had his maid clean all the used butt plugs of his subs so Anastasia decides to clean her own and she remarks at how clean her used butt plug is. Remember how that was written about in a book that we paid money to buy? Anyway, before I have a rage blackout, 50 Shades Enemas.